BY ELISABETH JACKSON | PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY BAILEY PAUL | CARTOON BY KAYLIN PRATT
Congratulations, Papillion-La Vista South students! If you’re reading this, it’s not too late. You’ve officially survived the tetrad of lunar eclipses, otherwise known as the blood moon. As the weather continues to battle with its own case of bipolar disorder, the choice of whether to go as a swimsuit model or the abominable snowman for Halloween is still a toss up. But, who knows? If you ordered a Homecoming dress online, you may be able to reuse it Halloween night.
With the increased prices for activities and parking passes, you can’t logically be expected to purchase a costume for Homecoming and Halloween.
The demands being put on students this year are becoming outrageous. “What does the ‘Titan Way’ mean to you?” How should you know? Every app on your phone is blocked, so it’s not like you can Google it. It’s not written in twenty-first century lingo (like last year’s “Titan Tru”). Opening your eyes and looking around at the thousands of posters hung around the school and actually listening to the announcements clearly isn’t an option for you hipsters.
Nevertheless, now that students have been attending school for a while, it’s pretty obvious the majority are adjusting sufficiently. The marching band has new uniforms to help cope with the loss of summertime. Papio South’s brains are reeling from the results of ACT and NeSA testing. For student athletes, however, the biggest adjustment may have been remembering how to balance leg day and math quizzes.
Students’ struggles aside, there has been one addition to the Titan way that will forever memorialize 2015-2016 at Papillion-La Vista South: milk bags. Bags o’ milk. Accidents with risky packaging and shady-looking straws waiting to happen. It’s evidently because people of this generation require more than a label to identify the type of milk they’re purchasing. Teenagers need to be able to see what they’re buying. They need to be able to feel the liquid with their own two hands. Reading the carton of milk was clearly just too much work – it was backing up the lunch line.
With the recent custodial cutbacks, our school may have to start embracing the practices of many schools in Japan, where students do the dirty work usually reserved for janitorial staff in the US of A. Cleaning may have to become part of the lesson plan… and that includes mopping up exploded milk-bag balloons in the cafeteria.
At least you’re not the Monarchs – having to mop up after a leaking pool and milk bags.
Over the summer, some Papio South students had the opportunity to attend a leadership workshop to discuss what they thought our school should be known for. Just be glad that happened before the milk bags were introduced to the district.
Next thing you know, it will be milk bags instead of beach balls being passed around at football games. The new Cycling Club will use milk bags to replace the usual cycling hydration backpacks. The nurses will use warmed milk bags as heating pads and frozen ones as ice packs. Forget punch at Homecoming this year – milk bags are being served!
Keep in mind, you do live in Papillion – you should be proud. You reside in one of the best places to live in the United States, according to Money magazine. You only need to remember two things as you continue your blissful existence here. One: Conserve your data – use it wisely. Two: Beware the milk bag.